Identity: do certain places heighten internal struggles?

 

Photo cited: https://www.cloudave.com/14163/the-identity-crisis/

This week we are reading the book Second Person Singular by Sayed Kashua. As we read, I found myself relating to struggles that I know I can’t begin to understand. Before I begin to explain the book, I think it's important to understand the mindset I went in with as I read. As a second-semester senior, the identity between adult and child seems to be growing stronger. Since I do not plan on continuing my education for some time, I have been tasked with finding a job. Much like our lawyer, I find myself having imposter syndrome. Trinity is known for creating overachievers, going on to create leaders, like Daniel Lubetzky or Brad Parscale, with some of my peers working four jobs, presidents of orgs, and having numerous internships often made me look at my resume and think that my same achievements are somehow not enough. 

As I read the lawyer's internal struggles in a Jerusamel that allows contrast to be more apparent, I wonder if there are places much like Axis Mundi that make it easier to feel imposter syndrome or do those in minority classes just more aware of the differences. In the book, the lawyer felt that although he was well-established because he was an Arab immigrant, he would never belong. He continues to buy the nicest cars and clothes and host parties with the most expensive food; still, he wakes up at night in fear of being exposed as a fraud who is not enough. 

This sparked my thoughts. Was it because he was in Jerusalem, where he chose to be a school amongst Jewish people, who never accepted him, he never felt good enough?  Or was it the tensions in society that made him? Meaning was it an internal battle he created with his peers or a creating external one that was a product of his environment. This led me to wonder if my identity struggles were internal or external. Trinity has me internally questioning my worth since well-accomplished people surround me. But external, I was taught that people with dyslexia were stupid and that I would never amount to enough, not be the school but the way society speaks of disabilities. The name dis means 'not,' meaning my diagnosis is literally not of ability. 

These thoughts lead me back to my continued question? Does Jerusalem heighten existent human issues, or is it because it is held in such importance does society becomes more aware of the issues since Jerusalem is always held under a microscope? I think Second Person Singular has helped me conclude some of my own questions. The lawyer's heightened awareness of everything he does and the need to rationalize why he does these things comes from years of trauma being a minority in a city of highly contested conflict between the majority and the minority. We are more aware of these issues in Jerusalem because their conflict plays out in violence on a worldwide screen since the world has made Jerusalem their issue since the UN declared its formation. We aren’t aware of the microaggressions that the Lawyer has faced that have taught him over the years never to let his power and success slip or else they will reject him. The reason identity feels heightened here is not because it is more present in Jerusalem than in our own streets; it is only because it is violent. I, much like the lawyer, have seen the small microaggressions of twisted faces when disability is brought up or the early isolations of the “difficult” learning not to disrupt our peers' education. I can no longer say that identity crisis is more heightened in one place than another; unless you are a minority, you do not see the internal struggles unless it plays out violently. This book is not just about Jerusalem for me but more a call for everyone to open their eyes to a different perspective than their own.